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Steven Grant
Josh Elder
Christopher S. Wilson
Mauro Vargas
Andres Carranza
Andres Ponce
Tomas Aira
Leonardo Pietro
Michael Netzer
Brian Warmoth
Molly Crabapple
John Leavitt
David Gallaher
David Marquez
Justin Aclin
Chris Ward
Eric Palicki
If that isn't a "click here" bouquet, I don't know what is. The last of my MTV Clutch articles are up, meaning you get five articles on the joys of the internet, including one that never made it to print.
5 Batman-Worthy Skateboard Trick GIFs -- Includes skate kid vs. car
Weird Out-of-Context TV & Movie GIFs -- Sulu gettin' high every day. MacGyver can make a punch out of a dance move.
Five Funny Pratfall GIFs -- Robbie Williams knows how to improvise.
The Best Sexy Clutch Photos of 2011 -- It was harder to find any in our "sexy photo" round-ups than you'd think.
Click the more tag to read the original articles, and the apocryphal "Please Be Our GIF-Friend: 5 Girls We're Instantly in Love With" and the original versions of each article.
I wrote and 'shopped this for National Lampoon last year and it's finally up.
Copied it below as well.
I Know Who Killed My Career
Few joys on God's earth compare to the delight of seeing a woman naked for the first third any time. When a lady chooses to reveal herself to a man, she gives him a sensual gift that says, "I am doing this for the money."
How terribly cynical, then, to learn that Lindsay Lohan's Playboy spread, which hit stand recently, was intended not to sate the internet's obsession with redheads, but to help cover the legal costs of what I can't be bothered to look up, but confidently assume is something to do with drunk driving. Or maybe just to make a million bucks. Again: I don't have time to check every little central topic of these articles.
The fact is, rather than lift up the flapping sails of a publication that has long since ceased to try, Ms. Lohan could have enlivened several magazines with a co-operative purchase of her posturing skills, and most of them wouldn't have even required nudity, which is always more fun when it's a gratuity and a surprise and in church. Here are some of those magazines.
I haven't formally announced it but for a quiet note on the About page, but I've taken a job at CBS running Man Cave Daily. Today I wrote a piece about why you should lust after Lana Kane, but not as much as brilliant and beautiful Aisha Tyler.
Hooray for my new life! Boo for not having a major site overhaul done yet so I can start promoting the page. But mostly hooray.
There's lots of movie tough guys, but they're either quietly dorks (Schwarzenegger), douchebags (Seagal), or dummies (Norris). Bruce Lee, though...man, that is one cool cat.
Here's the king of all action in my final Maxim Dirty Briefs writeup.
Goodnight, Dirty Briefs. I'll miss you like I miss Bruce Lee.
New Cracked column to close out the year for you, though I think they're calling it "The Nine Biggest Bastards of 2011," which will surely rile everyone who thinks X doesn't belong in the company of Y, and where is Z? I gave you a sampling of the world, dear reader, in all its messed-up glory. Some are righteous bastards who refuse to be cowed, while many are just bullies.
Man, I was shooting from the hip on this one. I fear it's one of my stumbles into more satire and sarcasm than outright comedy, but what the hell, it's an indictment of bastards, both good and evil (mostly evil). Next article, I'll just do a nice, easy, breezy list piece about something family-friendly, like sex injuries.
Oh yes, it's happening.
Feel free to look around the comic galleries in the top menu, which I brought up-to-date. I recommend Heist.
Now if you'll excuse me, it's 6 a.m. and I need sleep. Saying "bastard" that many times has kind of dulled the potency of one of my favorite words, so I'm going to recharge. I have a big day of eating like a pig tomorrow. Do pigs eat eggplant cheesecake? Because that's my objective. Goodnight, and good year to you, internet denizen.