Too many people I know are doing the Master Cleanse

And that offends me. I don’t want to be someone whose social circle falls for that kind of self-loathing.

The Master Cleanse, if you’re not aware, is this concoction of starvation and irregularity that shouldn’t be acceptable behavior even in Los Angeles. I frequently imagine it introduced as an idea like this:

PERSON: “What do you have that can make me lose weight and purify myself of the toxins of daily life?”

FOP: “What this is, is this is an INFUSION of chili pepper, lemon juice and maple syrup steeped in water untouched by human hands. This will CLEANSE you as it soaks the lining of your insidey places.”

PERSON: (smacks Fop in anger) “Violence purifies, too!”

Then she forcefeeds him a chicken sandwich.