If comic books were TV


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Your channel guide would be something like:


MRVL:
Everybody Loves Starfox – Gamorra resolves to fix Eros’ wandering eye; Thanos builds an omni-necrosis device.
Shulkie’s Law – Jen breaches legal ethics by dating the defendant: a male version of herself from a parallel Earth.
Moon-Knighting – Series debut. Playboy mercenary switches identities to a cab driver one week a month. (Putz.)
Ken Burns’ Civil War – Which side are you on?


DCU:
Oh, Superman! – Lois’ curiosity leads her to fall off a building AGAIN!
Highfather Knows Best – Highfather has a talk with Scott about breaching The Source before he’s ready
CORPS – Real-life criminal pursuits with the Green Lantern Corps. Tonight: Korugar
So You Wanna Be a Justice Leaguer – Final round: Blue Beetle, Nightwing II & William Hung face off
The TT – Reformed teenage hoodlum Terminatrix gets taken in by wealthy Cyborg, strives to fit in with privileged heroes


GRIT:
Keep Watching – Veidt’s latest scheme upsets Laurie; Rorschach and Nite Owl start a detective agency for pets
Dark Knight reruns
Trenchcoats and Mullets – (Part 5 of 10) The pervasive five o’clock shadow of the grim’n’gritty man studied in-depth. Hosted by Johnny Blaze.
Fear Factor: Villains Edition – A team of Hooters waitresses faces such ghouls as Dr. Psycho, Cheshire & host Joe Rogan

GOLDEN AGE
The Purple Cowl’s Adventures to Thrill Boys – The Periwinkle strikes!
History’s Greatest Sidekicks – Sappy, the Maple-Based Boy
Better Dead Than Red – John Birch becomes Captain Purity when he says the phrase, “Maybe you’re one of THEM!”
Red Bee’s Amusement Cavalcade – Collected newsreels of bees performing tricks, thwarting crime
Inky Tarr – The racial stereotype that could talk!
What’s Cookin, Ma Hunkel? – Red Tornado Chili


INDIE
My Sad, Pathetic Hipster Life – Privileged, white sissy mopes around, anguishes over girls that don’t love him, puts little to no effort into drawing.
Rebellion! – Teenagers fight the oppressive powers that be. From producer Brian Wood
Optic Nerve – A coffeehouse closes at midnight, leaving a 20-something to wander suburbia, waxing melancholy.
Dose – Program canceled due to low ratings.