Why you should never ask me about comics 1


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Because I only half-follow them, and then I spit back what I’ve seen. This is the last time Elder made that mistake, back when it was revealed that Green Goblin had hate-screwed Spider-Man’s girlfriend. I can’t believe i just typed that. Oh, comics, you were such a cute kid. Now you’re in that late teens dawning maturity where you mistake ugliness for depth.

Why does this creepiness exist?

Josh: New comic: http://www.erichowen.com/spidey_pg01.jpg
Josh: Goes up to 11
Brendan: Hey, this is your story!
Brendan: nice pun on costume-r
Brendan: this is awesome!
Brendan: that dryer opens weird
Brendan: better if he missed to the left of him.
Josh: Yeah, I know.
Brendan: this is so pro though yo
Josh: Not much I can do ’cause he just drew it all and then showed it to me.
Brendan: yah
Josh: But I’m pretty darned pleased with it.
Brendan: just flip the window
Brendan: two panels. bamf
Josh: I think I got Spidey’s voice pretty pitch perfect.
Brendan: by the way
Brendan: well that was my next point
Josh: Better than JMS at any rate.
Josh: Man, why can’t they just let Spidey be fun?
Brendan: hah
Brendan: I dunno.
Brendan: Gwen needs ramrodding
Brendan: Solid, hard, green ramrodding
Josh: He needs to make jokes and slap bad guys around…
Josh: Shut up
Josh: Damn you!
Brendan: I bet Green Goblin put the mask on right before he climaxed
Josh: And damn you JMS!
Josh: Damn you straight to comic geek hell!
Brendan: She was like “Did you put a rubber on?”
Brendan: and he said “Right here, baby. BLALEBLBLABLBLAEH!!”
Josh: So wrong…
Josh: But I’m glad you liked my story at any rate.
Brendan: I can picture them having sex, sadly. She goes from these high-pitched gasps to kind of a shrill “Oh!” which I point out to give you an idea of how good she feels when he leans in and she says “Norman…” and he says “Gwen..”
Josh: We’ll be giving it to every Marvel guy we meet.
Brendan: repeat x 3
Brendan: until suddenly: “Gwen…I was lying when I said I loved you, and I’m not wearing a condom.”
Brendan: Next panel: Norman grimaces in painful orgasm, gritting his teeth.
Brendan: Ah….
Brendan: then he falls asleep on her lily-white breast while she cries.
Brendan: You know I’m right.
Josh: I hate you.

Why I should write Spider-Man instead of J. Michael Straczynski.

elder1938: New comic: http://www.erichowen.com/spidey_pg01.jpg
elder1938: Goes up to 11
BANKSH0T: Hey, this is your story!
BANKSH0T: nice pun on costume-r
BANKSH0T: this is awesome!
BANKSH0T: that dryer opens weird
BANKSH0T: better if he missed to the left of him.
elder1938: Yeah, I know.
BANKSH0T: this is so pro though yo
elder1938: Not much I can do ’cause he just drew it all and then showed it to me.
BANKSH0T: yah
elder1938: But I’m pretty darned pleased with it.
BANKSH0T: just flip the window
BANKSH0T: two panels. bamf
elder1938: I think I got Spidey’s voice pretty pitch perfect.
BANKSH0T: by the way
BANKSH0T: well that was my next point
elder1938: Better than JMS at any rate.
elder1938: Man, why can’t they just let Spidey be fun?
BANKSH0T: hah
BANKSH0T: I dunno.
BANKSH0T: Gwen needs ramrodding
BANKSH0T: Solid, hard, green ramrodding
elder1938: He needs to make jokes and slap bad guys around…
elder1938: Shut up
elder1938: Damn you!
BANKSH0T: I bet Green Goblin put the mask on right before he climaxed
elder1938: And damn you JMS!
elder1938: Damn you straight to comic geek hell!
BANKSH0T: She was like “Did you put a rubber on?”
BANKSH0T: and he said “Right here, baby. BLALEBLBLABLBLAEH!!”
elder1938: So wrong…
elder1938: But I’m glad you liked my story at any rate.
BANKSH0T: I can picture them having sex, sadly. She goes from these high-pitched gasps to kind of a shrill “Oh!” which I point out to give you an idea of how good she feels when he leans in and she says “Norman…” and he says “Gwen..”
elder1938: We’ll be giving it to every Marvel guy we meet.
BANKSH0T: repeat x 3
BANKSH0T: until suddenly: “Gwen…I was lying when I said I loved you, and I’m not wearing a condom.”
BANKSH0T: Next panel: Norman grimaces in painful orgasm, gritting his teeth.
BANKSH0T: Ah….
BANKSH0T: then he falls asleep on her lily-white breast while she cries.
BANKSH0T: You know I’m right.
elder1938: I hate you.