The 2012 Sex Moves Are Here!


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I wrote this up for Maxim. You can see what made the cut on their site, but here are the ones that fell off the map:

After months of scientific study (read: drunken hookups), Maxim’s scientists have identified the most popular new sex moves of 2012. Careful! Don’t try any of these without a wheelbarrow, two pulleys, and a horned owl.

• The Drunken Butterfly
• Alas, Poor Yorick
• Radioactive Knitting Needle
• The Michael Douglas (think slicked-back hair)
• Wednesday Night Bowling League
• Angry Daffodil
• Forgive Us in Advance, Lord
• Tired Plumber
• This Doesn’t Usually Happen to Me
• Australian Bloodrush
• Greased Duck
• Go Yankees, YEEEEAH! New YORK, baby! UNGH!
• Who Was That Masked Man?
• Two Minutes of Unenthusiastic Thrusting
• Hadouken
• Reverse Chaucer
• If This Doesn’t Break Us Up, Nothing Will
• The Hold on, Ow
• Oh No, I Just Thought of My Dad
• Wandering Jew (can only be done once by men not yet circumcised and women who eat fiber)
• I Can’t Believe You Did That, Dave