Four People Who Renounced Their Evil Family

This is my new Cracked column, and it is fun, despite being about amoral monsters—because they are not the stars! It’s about people close to them who said “No way, mister, no crimes on this surname!” Although some of them did have to change their irrevocably tainted surnames. And others were less about rejecting the evil for its own sake than capitalizing on doing so. Look, people are complicated, and not always good, but the important thing here is Hitler’s mundane-shitty nephew still told him to get bent despite der Fuhrer having his home address.

Every article has its orphans, and this one’s no different. When it runs long, you have to clip the unfunny bits, even if they have something good to say. This paragraph got dropped:

Hell, it didn’t stop people from committing hate crimes on any Muslim they could find, on Sikhs (for wearing turbans), on Hindus (for being brown), and Jews (for having a country in the Middle East). I’m thinking the kind of person who would attack a stranger doesn’t need a good reason. I’m also thinking I will now drink until humanity looks less depressing. Join me, won’t you?