Cracked’s DE-TEXTBOOK is out Tuesday and I’m a contributor


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Hey, a new Cracked book is out this week, and I’m part of it again! Because I am the luckiest boy in the world, apparently. You should order it. I’m going to. Like, even though I get a free one, I’m ordering it, because it’s the first time Amazon ever recommended an item to me that I had a hand in. And by hand I mean  it’s a single page, so more of a cuticle. I have no idea what article of mine they reference, but I’m hoping it’s the one about. They could be using an excerpt, or a line, or a reference–I have no guess.

But I’m upgrading it to a whole finger and passing the gains on to you: since it comes out the week of Halloween,  if you want me to sign your copy, I will–in blood. Dead serious, and some folks have already taken me up on this offer. I’ll leave a bloody finger print on the page and write you an inscription. I have Irish skin, so this should be as easy as my next bad shave. The only caveat is you’re not allowed to clone me. I don’t want to deal with some younger, more driven version of myself who faces me down in 30 years when he tries to assume my identity.