When my parents — both writers and editors — ask how my work is going, I think they always wait for me to announce I’ve begun work on the next great American novel. But usually I haven’t because my work week is full of Photoshopping fake video game porn for my freelance clients. Meaning, I’m spoofing spoofs. On the internet. For milk money. The sanest thing to do is look at this as a lucrative hobby, or else a series of small grants to improve my Creative Suite skills. Anyway, here’s the video game porn spoofs piece I did for Asylum, now that the link to the actual article is dead.
Porn and video games. Have two things ever gone so well with another lonely Friday night in a bachelor pad? All that’s missing is pizza — and, presumably, a woman who has just gotten out of the shower to pay for it but realizes she doesn’t have enough money for tip.
We were heartened to find out porn spoofs have discovered video games with “Modern Whorefare: Call of Booty.” Which got us thinking: What other video games are just begging to be parodied by the adult industry?
Read more to see the gamer porn we wish existed.
Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, and there’s no game that’s been imitated more than the granddaddy of arcade games: “PONG.” Unfortunately, the 8-bit square being lobbed from side to side takes on a decidedly unsavory nature when pornography addles the mix.
Quickly following that success comes the arcade smash (and splash) hit about foreign bodies seeking to breach the gaps in your defenses and gain entry to your inner sanctum. What they don’t know is they’re going about it all wrong.
A big breakthrough came with the arrival of not one but two of gaming’s (and porn’s) biggest stars. Any visual similarities between Mario and Ron Jeremy are purely coincidental.
Everyone remembers the iconic NES classic “
Paperboy,” which we played with the same fervor that we were lacking on our real-life paper route. Perhaps we’d have made the rounds with more gusto if there had been lusty ladies looking for a special insert in our delivery sack. (No, we have no idea what that means, either.)
Video games have come a long way. Now, like porn, they have characters who specialize in almost anything you could want to see a person do. What more perfect opportunity arises to combine the two than in this soon-to-be Xbox classic?
And, of course, some titles need no alteration to achieve legendary porn status.
