I wrote and ‘shopped this for National Lampoon last year and it’s finally up.
Copied it below as well since they’re undergoing some site changes.
Few joys on God’s earth compare to the delight of seeing a woman naked for the
first third any time. When a lady chooses to reveal herself to a man, she gives him a sensual gift that says, “I am doing this for the money.”
How terribly cynical, then, to learn that Lindsay Lohan‘s Playboy spread, which hit stands recently, was intended not to sate the internet’s obsession with redheads, but to help cover the legal costs of what I can’t be bothered to look up, but confidently assume is something to do with drunk driving. Or maybe just to make a million bucks. Again: I don’t have time to check every little central topic of these articles.
The fact is, rather than lift up the flapping sails of a publication that has long since ceased to try, Ms. Lohan could have enlivened several magazines with a co-operative purchase of her posturing skills, and most of them wouldn’t have even required nudity, which is always more fun when it’s a gratuity and a surprise and in church. Here are some of those magazines.