Probably as often as someone comes to the site looking up Rule 34 fare, I get traffic from "Beer butt crockpot chicken." The fact is, it was a failed experiment: beer can might work in the oven and definitely on the grill, but it's a moot tool in the crockpot, which is already as convected as convection gets without boiling.

Regardless, a crockpot is a darn fine way to roast anything, since most of us like our meat moist and delicious. I've barbecued bbq ribs with a commitment that would make the South proud, and some succeed, some don't. But here's what I discovered this winter: there's nothing better than crockpot ribs.

If I sold these in a restaurant, the price would be 5% of each diner's annual income.

They were on sale at the supermarket, and darned if I was going to wait till May to grill some, so I decided to give the crockpot a try. It's a well known fact that a lot of restaurants will steam their ribs with a variety of hasty methods to get that drop-off-the-bone goodness. It was time to try. I mixed up a rub for the ribs the day before, then added a little marinade the morning of the meal. At lunchtime I put them in the oven for 10/15 minutes uncovered to get a little crispy, then transferred them to the crockpot while I worked on some Cracked articles.

Six hours later (plus the introduction of some barbecue sauce a half hour before completion), I was in Heaven. Without question, the best ribs I have ever made. Twice the quality of my grilling efforts with half the effort and none of the mess, muss or fuss.

To these we added some garlic & butter spinach, candied carrots (butter & a little brown sugar), and grits. Basically, a healthy meal to fight these ribby bastids, immediately undone by butter and sugar.

Now I'm wondering if I can sear some burgers, then transfer them to the crockpot...