The Pumblechook & Figg 2021 Christmas Catalogue Is Here!

Not every year, but every year in the hearts of children around the world, I find enough time to put together the H.P. Dickenscraftian index of purchasable commerce-goods known as The Pumblechook & Figg Catalogue. This Skymall of nightmares is a lot of extra work, but so worth it when it runs and it looks like a real magazine page. Which it did! Today, over at 1-900-HOTDOG. Or on the Patreon if you prefer.

I can’t think of another type of article I enjoy doing so much as Pumblechook & Figg. It combines my love for ridiculous neologisms with playing around with language, specifically diction and inflection, of which British English is rich in choice. Also the fusion of the sacred and profane, if not downright eldritch, comes easily to a holiday about warmth and caring in a context of abused orphans, avoidable disease, a debt funnel, and downright war on women’s rights. The fact that I don’t even know if I mean 19th C. England or right now shows why the entries come easily to me compared to a regular article about some recent and real-life, cursed cultural artifact. Though this one’s made up, I think it’s still to spec for the Hot Dog mandate of innately wrong items from another world.

Speaking of appropriate subject matter: all of the Cracked entries for Pumblechook & Figg have focused on the various archons trying to push into our realm from Outside. But I’ve also leaned into that mighty hard for my first few Hot Dog articles. So I thought this one would transition a bit and set up a new storyline about a League of Extraordinary Ruffians. But just wait, they have an as-yet unrevealed Niles Caulder who will be revealed in 2022…