Remember the Experimental Theatre Ad for Legend of Zelda?

Advertisers in the ’80s had no idea what to do with video games. Think of everything you’ve seen depicted in Mad Men, now picture those exact same survivors of childhood in the Depression, but older and just burning their days until retirement, trying to sell 8-bit computer games to children in a decade exultant in its excess and overconsumption. The hippest among them was some Boomer with a coke habit that was taking its first steps into a problem. Now you understand how one of the very first commercials for the NES was an utterly bonkers avant-garde performance by a lone actor in a dimly lit soundstage running from imagined enemies. It is a guarantee that nobody involved knew what was happening in this game, and even less likely that they cared.

With all that in mind, I tried to devise how such a commercial could have been made, through the only medium it understands: experimental theatre. And yes, I do believe they rushed this ad out while waiting for a FedEx shipment of game footage to arrive from Japan. Enjoy it at the good, old-fashioned 1-900-HOTDOG or the Patreon of your choice.