1-900-HOT-DOG

Cursed jokes from beyond the bounds of our world!

Baby Boxing Is the Secret Origin of the Navy SEALs

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That’s my theory and you can’t convince me otherwise. The Navy sponsored baby boxing and 20 years later we got the first SEALs. Coincidence? An awfully convenient one, I say. Oh, what’s that? Yes, you heard correctly. Toddler. Goddamn. BOXING. Sure, we know about the kids brutalized in coke mines and upon printing presses, but … Read more

Comedy at Ground Zero

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Over at the ol’ 1-900-HOTDOG, I watched a couple of vintage U.S. Civil Defense videos on how to survive nuclear fallout without your shadow being burnt into a wall or puking up your own internal organs. “Walt Builds a Family Fallout Shelter” segues into “Fallout: When and How to Protect Yourself” with so much existential … Read more

The Most Faithful* DCEU Production Ever Is a 1979 TV Movie

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Are you scared about the future? Scared about the present? Scared there’s no future? Let the past reassure you, thanks to the most devoted* adaptation of the DC Universe ever put to film. Over at 1-900-HOTDOG I reviewed Legends of the Superheroes: The Challenge and The Roast, and found them strangely wonderful? They do exactly … Read more

Red Shoe Diaries: “Kidnap”

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Beautiful people! Boxy clothes! A narrowly heteronormative view of sexuality! Zero fear of AIDS! Welcome to Hollywood’s view of sexy in the ’90s. Oh, it was a strange time, when it was still shameful to be a Nazi, but The Simpsons caused an uproar for saying “Hell…”

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‘City Dragon’: This Indie Drama Doesn’t Know It’s a Kung-Fu Video Game

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As I roll into another year as a 1-900-HOTDOG columnist, I’m starting to notice that the bulk of my accepted pitches are the DVDs or even VHS tapes that I bought as bootlegs in comic book stores more than half a lifetime ago, sprinkled with the occasional e-book I saved to mock back in the … Read more