Baby Boxing Is the Secret Origin of the Navy SEALs

That’s my theory and you can’t convince me otherwise. The Navy sponsored baby boxing and 20 years later we got the first SEALs. Coincidence? An awfully convenient one, I say. Oh, what’s that? Yes, you heard correctly. Toddler. Goddamn. BOXING. Sure, we know about the kids brutalized in coke mines and upon printing presses, but … Read more

Comedy at Ground Zero

Over at the ol’ 1-900-HOTDOG, I watched a couple of vintage U.S. Civil Defense videos on how to survive nuclear fallout without your shadow being burnt into a wall or puking up your own internal organs. “Walt Builds a Family Fallout Shelter” segues into “Fallout: When and How to Protect Yourself” with so much existential … Read more

The Most Faithful* DCEU Production Ever Is a 1979 TV Movie

Are you scared about the future? Scared about the present? Scared there’s no future? Let the past reassure you, thanks to the most devoted* adaptation of the DC Universe ever put to film. Over at 1-900-HOTDOG I reviewed Legends of the Superheroes: The Challenge and The Roast, and found them strangely wonderful? They do exactly … Read more

Red Shoe Diaries: “Kidnap”

Beautiful people! Boxy clothes! A narrowly heteronormative view of sexuality! Zero fear of AIDS! Welcome to Hollywood’s view of sexy in the ’90s. Oh, it was a strange time, when it was still shameful to be a Nazi, but The Simpsons caused an uproar for saying “Hell…”

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‘City Dragon’: This Indie Drama Doesn’t Know It’s a Kung-Fu Video Game

As I roll into another year as a 1-900-HOTDOG columnist, I’m starting to notice that the bulk of my accepted pitches are the DVDs or even VHS tapes that I bought as bootlegs in comic book stores more than half a lifetime ago, sprinkled with the occasional e-book I saved to mock back in the … Read more