• Jack Chick’s ‘The Crusaders’ Is a Yawn That Never Ends

    If you didn’t get a Chick tract in your Halloween pillowcase this year, I’ve got you covered. I read Jack Chick’s The Crusaders #1 over at 1-900-HOT-DOG (and its Patreon). The Crusaders was Jack Chick’s first full-sized and full-length comic book. I grew up Catholic—definitely too Catholic, if you had to suffer through my company in high school and college—so I was used to both Chick tracts and their very deluded view on Roman Catholicism as a kid. The added hilarity, in a “laugh so you don’t scream forever” way, is just how much actual criminal activity the Catholic Church was guilty of in perpetuity while Chick was convinced they were involved in the lesser crimes of Satanic Illuminati conspiracy.

    This issue the villain is the atheist and anti-religious USSR, which serves up special combo #3 in your Jack Chick evangelical themes menu: Persecution Complex. In these pages we meet The Crusaders, even though nobody calls them that and they’re not on a crusade so much as a supply run. Thrill as they visit Latvia, elude Soviet spies without realizing, escape a completely different middling-stakes trap than their mission, and lure an exploited woman to her death. Fun times in the ’70s!

  • ‘Verotika’ Is the Worst Movie Ever Made

    Do you think that’s a clickbait headline? Those are the most carefully chosen words of my existence, and I’ve had to counsel friends through trauma. I have never seen a film so ignorant in the language of film. It’s as though Glenn Danzig is inventing the medium from scratch in the 1880s, except if Glenn had directed A Trip to the Moon, it would be from the moon’s perspective, through the lens of the head trauma he suffers from the rocket, after the travelers left, and only concerned with what happens on the side facing away from Earth.

    I get into the whyfores, wherefroms, and whatthefs in my latest 1-900-HOT-DOG column. (Also available in Patreon form.)

  • Captain Marvel vs. Captain Ghost!

    Hoo boy, this is a Golden Age villain like no other: a murderous 13-year-old boy from Chattanooga. I examined his only appearance, a face-off against Captain Marvel (the Shazam one) to figure out which of this kids was the grimmest in their crimefighting. The answer is the one you’d think, but the reason–hoo boy, nobody could have seen that coming. Read the rest at 1-900-HOT-DOG.