• These Are the Best Pork Cuts for Grilling & Smoking
    I don’t eat much pork these days, because I happen to think pigs are pretty neat, but I do know my stuff when it comes to what chop falls on which side of the grill. Two articles are up at Tasting Table for your porcine cuisine needs: The Best Cuts of Pork for Grilling (high … Read more
  • America’s Best* Whiskeys, Remixed
    There’s no accounting for taste, but you can aggregate it. Over at Tasting Table an assignment on best whiskeys with an E got overhauled when we dropped the Irish to focus on America’s best whiskey brands, including one or two whiskys. (who knew America had those?) I learned so much beyond what I’d already known … Read more
  • These Are America’s Coolest Ice Cream Brands
    Tasting Table added some more entries to its list of best ice creams in America, and guess who scooped up that assignment?
  • Hey, Quit Using Your Instant Pot the Dumb Way, You Dumb Dummy
    Tasting Table asked me to enumerate all the ways you’re lousing up a good thing with this Instant Pot deal of ours in 13 Common Mistakes Everyone Makes With Their Instant Pot. Along the way I learned some stuff—about the Instant Pot, yes, but baby, also so much about myself! Anyway, here’s my list of … Read more
  • You’re Roasting Your Food Wrong. Let’s Fix It
    First in a series at my new freelance gig with Tasting Table comes “Mistakes Everyone Makes When Roasting Food.” If I do say so myself, it’s a comprehensive look, at least by internet article standards, at twice the length of the usual pieces. Why? Because I believe in people, and the people…the people believe in … Read more
  • The Easiest Way to Velvet Meat Is the Cheapest
    I’ve read a bundle of different recipes on effectively velveting meat. This technique, primarily done for Asian stir-fry dishes, is also mighty useful in a lot of Italian pastas that can be seen as substitutionally equivalent. I find it most effective on shrimp, which love to ramp from “dangerously undercooked” to “tennis ball” in seconds … Read more
  • All My Tips to Make Tasty Jerky, Safely & Affordably
    I’m not doing meat much these days, but I did fine-tune some principles of jerky before I went mostly vegetarian. Most articles, I’ve found, will give you the same advice about slicing across the grain, pulling it off while it’s still bendy, etc. I will assume that you know all these jerky basics and principles … Read more
  • Just 27 Days Till You’re Enjoying a Gobbler!
    Since Maxim‘s gone bloodless and removed their voluminous content from their site, it falls to me to remind you that there are just 27 days until you can gnash your teeth into the greatest thing America’s invented: the gobbler! Here’s my article for them, which I rescued, because I am wonderful and handsome. 
  • The Five Manliest Candies of 2011
    Kindly consider “manliest” in this circumstance to mean “Likeliest to kill you with their sugary assault on your pancreas,” and you’ll have a fine time reading my latest Maxim post. If you survive, congratulations, you’re a man. A man with diabetes, but a man. Did you remember to wish your sweetheart a happy World Diabetes … Read more
  • What’s in That Tub of Cool Whip?
    Cool Whip: The very name conjures up images of tasty summer treats that even those lame lactose-intolerant (or as we like to call them, lactose bigoted) kids can eat. But really, do you know what you’re putting in your body? No? Well for crying out loud, man, that’s what Asylum’s here for. Read on to see our … Read more
  • The Man’s Book of the BBQ
    So I wrote this topic for Cracked awhile back. It was never featured, but it ranked high enough in Google to for the production team at Hachette / Octopus to hire me to write their barbecue book. Considering I was smacking golf balls at the park in lieu of employment when they wrote to me, … Read more
  • Ma McGinley’s Kindergarten Kookies
    Here’s what I’m making today: my mom’s recipe for these delicious, candy-like cookies that coagulate into sort of chocolate’s birds’ nests. They’re called Kindergarten Kookies because she used to send them into school on our birthdays. KINDERGARTEN KOOKIES In a mixing bowl: 3 cups oats 1/2 cup cocoa OR 1 square unsweetened chocolate 1 cup … Read more
  • My Family’s Soda Bread Recipe
    This is the recipe for my dear aul’ sainted mother’s Irish soda wheat bread, as told to her by her Westmeathian grandma, as told to me, as told to you. I don’t recommend you make it! I’m not even sure it’s “our” recipe or just something they pulled off of a bag of flour from … Read more