Full version of last year’s Cracked State of the Union

Last year I wrote a State of the Union with some suggestions for real change in America. But did you know there was a fifth entry? It was very vindictive.  Mr. O’Brien, Mr. O’Brien, Emperor Wong, members of Cracked, distinguished readers, spambots, trolls, and easily offended moms here by accident from Facebook– Thank you for … Read more

Pumblechook & Figg Holiday Catalog 2013

Over 183.9 years ago, two merchants shared a dream for Christ-Mass: a gingerbread house so large that all men, whether Christian, Mohammedian, or Juwe, might worship the Christ within it. This mighty structure would unite the hearts of good Englishmen everywhere in the unity of goodwill, that they might stand as one and smash the … Read more

The Worst Possible Advice for Selling Your Manly Novel

November was NaNoWriMo–no, that’s not a scrapped Blackberry concept phone, but National Novel Writing Month. But did you know that December is NaHoStrugPubYoNoMo (National Hopelessly Struggling to Publish Your Novel Month)? It’s true, and over at Cracked I’ve charted the worst ways to achieve that end with an infographic that does not hold up to scrutiny at … Read more

Cracked: The Gettysburg Redress

I said some things about America and how we should all just lighten up. Then I ignored my own advice by making it preachy instead of funny, but it involves shaved bears, so I think everybody got what they came for. Apocrypha (and plenty of it — redacted because none of it’s worth reading and … Read more