The 12 Most Amazing (and Useless) Wikipedia Entries

Katzenklavier

Someone in England wrote this article, and then I Americanized it, turning every wry witticism into toilet humor. I also swapped out odd-toed ungulates for Alpha Flight, because they’re terrible, whereas ungulates are an alright order of mammals in my book. Wikipedia page: Donaudampf schiffahrtselektrizitatenhaupt betriebswerkbauunterbeamtengesellschaft (all one word) Which is what? An incredibly long … Read more

Other Ways of Measuring the BP oil Spill

blended colorful oil paints creating abstract background

In which we see other applications for that many gallons of oil, graphic by me, based on the research and text by Wendy Rose Gould, below: It’s estimated that at least 5 million gallons of oil (and now looking like probably much, much more) will have gushed into the Gulf of Mexico as a result … Read more

The Greatest General of All Time Was…

The greatest general of all time, according to the actual greatest general of all time, is mistakenly regarded by most people as synonymous with loss. In Hannibal’s opinion, the greatest general of all time–and he ought to know even if he’s being modest–was Pyrrhus of Epirus. We tend to think of Pyrrhus as a loser … Read more

Generals Who Could Have Whupped George Washington

Here’s my very first Asylum article, followed by some bonus material. Happy birthday, President Washington! What made Ol’ Wooden Chompers the Father of Our Country (besides spending all of mom’s money on drink), was his sheer will to make the army function. When the Pennsylvania Line mutinied, Washington did the unexpected: He took their grievances … Read more