You’re Not Crazy: Hereditary Was a Bad Movie

My face during the first 20 minutes of Hereditary
My face during the last 100 minutes of Hereditary. (credit: A24)

Last night, for the first time in my decades upon this earth, I asked a movie theater for my money back. They declined, and I can have no peace, because the most heartfelt statement of my 2018 will be this: God, I hate Donald Trump. But a close second? Hereditary is a bad movie. Not only bad, but the worst film experience I have ever endured, and I made it through the entire Uma Thurman/Ralph Fiennes AvengersHereditary is a film so laborious, so tedious, so consummately PONDEROUS, I was writhing in my seat with frustration for at least eight hours of this 127-minute movie.

Spoilers below, probably, I can’t tell yet because I’m still furious with this film, so I’m not sure of everything I’ll say.

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Two new Cracked columns!

I wrote Five Reasons Cinco de Mayo is the Most American Holiday Ever last week, and then Five Folklore Monsters Hollywood Should Make into Films a couple days later. But–what, ho! A twist! The latter was completed first?! Zounds! All the “Tip!” pictures on the Cinco de Mayo page were from my vacation in Mexico … Read more

Musings on horror.

There’s a lot about horror that inverts the structural norms. It’s understood in writing that for a protagonist’s journey to be great, she has to be up against something greater than herself, and we’re impressed, because there’s no drama in an easy win. It’s pulling off the difficult that impresses us. Horror’s sort of the … Read more