1-900-HOT-DOG: The Return of Count Spirochete

Count Spirochete Syphilis Navy PSA

Our tour of Etiquette: Naval Style continues at 1-900-HOT-DOG with The Return of Count Spirochete. Newly empowered to seduce blondes and brunettes, our brave sailors found their lives now imperiled by the dreaded VD. I learned a lot watching this PSA for comedy, and most of what I learned involved terrible things happening to babies, … Read more

New Cracked column: What to Expect When Your Ex Is Expecting

What to Expect When Your Ex is Expecting

I listened to four versions of “Pursuit of Happiness” a sum 219 times to bring you this latest Cracked Column, every one of them drunk and then edited sober, and you are welcome for this unrequested sojourn into my dark country. Here’s your customary apocrypha: The world has been given over to the young. You … Read more

The Six Types of People Everyone Dates (a User’s Guide)

Hi, internet! I wrote my dating memoirs and pretended they were satire. It’s a handy companion to Things Every Woman Should Know About Nice Guys. Also, it’s trite, so don’t go complaining to me that I didn’t include the Moody Artist or Your Granddad But Younger, or whatever your personal mistakes are. Me, I miss … Read more

The 2012 Sex Moves Are Here!

I wrote this up for Maxim. You can see what made the cut on their site, but here are the ones that fell off the map: After months of scientific study (read: drunken hookups), Maxim’s scientists have identified the most popular new sex moves of 2012. Careful! Don’t try any of these without a wheelbarrow, … Read more