Our tour of Etiquette: Naval Style continues at 1-900-HOT-DOG with The Return of Count Spirochete. Newly empowered to seduce blondes and brunettes, our brave sailors found their lives now imperiled by the dreaded VD. I learned a lot watching this PSA for comedy, and most of what I learned involved terrible things happening to babies, … Read more
I listened to four versions of “Pursuit of Happiness” a sum 219 times to bring you this latest Cracked Column, every one of them drunk and then edited sober, and you are welcome for this unrequested sojourn into my dark country. Here’s your customary apocrypha: The world has been given over to the young. You … Read more
Hi, internet! I wrote my dating memoirs and pretended they were satire. It’s a handy companion to Things Every Woman Should Know About Nice Guys. Also, it’s trite, so don’t go complaining to me that I didn’t include the Moody Artist or Your Granddad But Younger, or whatever your personal mistakes are. Me, I miss … Read more
Hooray! I wrote a thing and it was on the internet! Fifty Shades of Grey is an erotic alternate universe fan fiction version of Twilight, and if that sentence makes no sense to you, you’re sweet to keep up with my work, Mom. For the rest of you: when Cracked and I team to remember … Read more
I wrote this up for Maxim. You can see what made the cut on their site, but here are the ones that fell off the map: After months of scientific study (read: drunken hookups), Maxim’s scientists have identified the most popular new sex moves of 2012. Careful! Don’t try any of these without a wheelbarrow, … Read more
