star wars


Sketchy Saturday: Accidental Stranger Things Fan Theory — Maybe Eleven is a Jedi

In this week’s sketchy Saturday, Han and Chewbacca ponder the Stranger Things fan theory we’ve all been wondering: whether Eleven is a Force user. (has anyone been wondering that? I wasn’t until I accidentally juxtaposed these two sketches. Let’s run with this notion that she’s strong in the Force.) Also a melange of random bar dudes dwell beneath a sot created in my imagination. I think I drew a fat drunk and then realized he looked a little like Hitler, so I gave him that stupid mustache? This was a drawing from last year, and again, I was drinking, so I can’t be sure of anything other than to Hell with all Nazis.

Still, maybe the Upside Down is just that realm where dark visions of the Force live, as in The Last Jedi and Empire Strikes Back. Maybe all those critters are just Star Wars aliens. Maybe I’m pulling all of this out of my ear. Heck, go ahead and say maybe she’s a Time Lord AND a Jedi. Let’s just stitch up all these fan theories into one unified theory of Wold Newton.

Bar sketches

Maybe Darth Vader gets a nosebleed every time he uses the Force, we don’t know.


I asked Joanna Angel 10 Weird Questions

Kill your darlings.

I’m kind of known for my freewheeling associative intros in a comedy article, but sometimes you need to get to the point. This intro did not do that. Too much foreplay, not enough sex, as the case may be in this Joanna Angel interview:

Back in April, we asked her 10 weird questions, and it was good. But can you ever really get enough of Joanna Angel? All of our porn-science says no. Then it removes its glasses and opens its lab coat to reveal very little clothing. Porn-science is the best science. Except for maybe science porn. Oh man, what if pornographers and scientists got together to make a scientifically educational porno? Let’s get Neil DeGrasse Tyson on the horn and see if he’d host it. 

...guh.

…guh.

Anyway, here’s everything else I’ve been up to:

Telenovela star Paola Nunez and I had a very fine chat about life in Miami vs. Mexico, and how soap operas relate to national culture.

Really, just the nicest lady.

Really, just the nicest lady.

I interviewed actress and summarily crushed on Candace Kita with a one-on-one and then a Ten Weird Questions piece.

Pictured here as an air-bender.

Pictured here as an air-bender.

I reviewed the DC book you absolutely must be reading, plus a couple others in in Reviews: Grayson, Batgirl, Sabrina.

We promise you this picture is rightside-up.

I promise you this picture is rightside-up.

I rounded up the hottest Instagram pictures from Jessica Ashley, Jessica Larson, and Emily Ratajkowski. Then I wrote the best Ice Bucket Challenge headline ever (though not the article): Aerosmith Emerges from Cryogenic Treatment to Extend Life which you love for its technical accuracy if completely incorrect story.
Based on those lips, that is either Emily Ratajkowski or Steven Tyler.

Based on those lips, that is either Emily Ratajkowski or Steven Tyler.

Let's be honest -- none of us in her league.

Let’s be honest — none of us in her league.

I reviewed everything on the planet along with some other CBS and Man Cave folk for Labor Day BBQs and the more current Autumn Review of Everything.

Nobody wants to look at product shots. Have a beautiful woman instead and remember that halcyon summer you first learned what love was.

Nobody wants to look at product shots.

I interviewed Marvel’s Jordan D. White about the upcoming all-star line of Star Wars comics.

You just did the respirator noise in your head right now, didn’t you?

I asked Ten Weird Questions of NGHBRS and of Vacationer’s Kenny Vasoli.

And I reviewed two kinds of disturbing genre film with my thoughts on Autómata and Honeymoon.

So you can’t screw a sexbot without a wig? Hoo boy, what a delicately balanced eroticism you possess.

All in all, I’m having a real fun time.


NCAA March Madness

Why yes, I did compose that special edition MTV Clutch logo for the tournament of champions known as The Spring Insanity, or somesuch. I wouldn’t know. I’m a baseball man myself. And I have a rule about sports: college doesn’t count unless it’s your alma mater. Everything else is like debating continuity in the Star Wars expanded universe. It doesn’t matter, it’s somehow even less real than the agreed-upon fiction we all choose to pretend to enjoy because everyone else is cheering and we don’t want to be left out.

Mind you, I had fun doing a little vector work for once.